Are you sick of family holidays such as Christmas or Easter? Here are a few good conversation stoppers!
- Disrupt a family dinner with a fictional story: Say that you were feeling bi-curious, and then regail your family with a detailed homosexual encounter you had at a public toilet, hence the reason for your late arrival. Apologise weakly, trail off creating an uncomfortable silence. An appropriate example is something like "Add a memorable embelishment, such as "After the guy came in my mouth, he shoved a $20 note in my mouth and fucked off."
- Further ruin the family dinner by accusing the man of the house of being a racist, Sexist Homophobe. Ask him why he is so accepting of lesbian porn, and yet so critical towards gay men. Suggest some gay web sites that he should check out to cure his homophobic sexist attitude.
- Bore your family further with a long story about a website that lets you have a star in the universe named after you, and explain how you had a bout of depression after realising just how many stars there are in the known universe/multiverse. Express sorrow at the $100 or $200 that you wasted.
- Disappoint your mother or sister by asking them if they would be prepared to be your "In case of emergency" contact. When they say yes abruptly cut them off and say "Oh actually ... I just thought of someone far more reliable than you..., yeah thanks " actually I just thought of someone else, he / she is much more reliable.
- Point out to ""friends"' who like dolphins that small dolphins get caught up in fishing catches, and that they have probably eaten dolphin, or, by eating fish, they are both complicitly, statistically and assuredly to whatever micropercentage responsible for it. Ask them why they don't like people instead, imply that they want to have sex with dolphins. Say, "If you love dolphins so much, why don't you marry into them?"
- Your homophobic, married, male friend. Hypothetically ask for how much money it would take for them to turn gay. 10 million, a billion dollars etc. , of course. Once he admit'' s it, slam your fist down on table in triunph and scream 'I knew you were a cocksucking faggot!!!. Grab their jaw, say ' c'mon open your mouth, how many litres of semen have you guzzled down today? 3 4 5 or 6? Fuuuck. Are you gonna be alright to drive or what? Scream' out to bartender. "Yo my gay designated driver's drank about 5 or 6 litres of cum, does semen have alcohol in it?".